the very best, pt. xx
Welcome back once again to The Very Best, our ongoing quest to document how cool and talented everyone is in Pokemon X. Last week we initiated the big story finale; this week we're concluding it! Let's begin.
Normal Billionaire Behavior
We raided the secret labs under Lysandre Cafe (I have some logistical questions about this; does he own the whole building? How did he get the permitting to dig a three-layer secret lab full of teleporting like a block away from the Prism Tower?) last time, but we were unable to stop the ultimate weapon from being activated. So it's on to Geosenge Town where we can hopefully save Kalos from an extinction event. (We will. It's not even hard.)
Geosenge Town: Team Flare Grunt Alpha
Grunt Alpha is the poor guy they stationed outside to make sure no one finds the secret base behind a boulder. He's got a Manectric, Scrafty, and Golbat at level 45. This is a pretty solid type spread for a sentry, though as I think I have noted, both Manectric and Golbat by now are starting to falter stats-wise. As a "stop anyone from ever entering" sentry he obviously fails but he does the job of slowing us down adequately. Skill Rating: 3/5
At this point we're starting to see the Grunts trying to justify and/or rationalize their support of Lysandre. Grunt Alpha says "Lysandre does whatever he can to help us realize our goals. Surely he deserves respect for that!" and . . . man you are standing outside, you have seen what he just did to this town. No. Coolness Rating: 1/5
Secret HQ: Team Flare Lysandre
Lysandre has a Mienshao and Honchkrow at level 47, a Pyroar at level 49, and a Gyarados at level 51. Apart from a slight weakness to Fairy type1 this is a very strong spread with strong Pokemon. And normally I'd give him a rating here but we fight him again later with basically the same team, slightly leveled up.
Here he waxes poetic about how beautiful the ultimate weapon is, blah blah . . . he has the conviction that the only solution to the problem he is identified--people fight over resources when they are scarce--is to kill off all Pokemon and most humans. I have noted before (maybe not here) that his motivations are the same as Thanos Marvelcinematicuniverse in that one movie, except Lysandre isn't just flipping a coin. It's still very comic book villain, but Lysandre clearly has a plan to stop this problem from repeating: he's not just reducing population levels, he is also ensuring that the only survivors are under his control, so he will be able to shape the path of the society that follows. Obviously this plan is still, you know, about as evil as it comes, but I feel like people tend to miss that he has very clear and understandable goals, motivations, and plans here (due in no small part to the fact that he frames his goals as "I want to ensure that the world remains beautiful forever", which sounds very silly indeed). Anyway, we'll come back to this asshole later.
Secret HQ: Pokemon Trainer Calem
Have I been writing about times when we have an ally? I'm not going to go check that. Calem is here with his usual team, which I think is pretty much solidified at this point (as you might expect); what I want to note here is that when Shauna shows up with an electronic "puzzle solving" device Clemont made, and uses it to pick the electronic lock to the final chamber, Calem seems . . . weirdly unwilling to give Shauna the credit? It takes her a handful of seconds and he's like "well, Clemont made the device, but good job bringing it here I guess!" That feels rude. And I checked--Serena just says "You and Clemont's device are full of surprises!", this is a unique bit of assholery to Calem. I will be noting this in your final score, Calem.
Secret HQ: Team Flare Admin 1 and Team Flare Grunt 1
The next three battles are all multi-battles with an Admin and a Grunt pairing, paired up with our buddy Calem. I was originally going to give each trainer an individual write-up but I don't wanna. The Admin here has a level 50 Toxicroak and the Grunt has a level 48 Liepard. I like the Toxicroak here, especially at the start of a gauntlet like this; potential to get a nice poison off to slow us down. The Liepard is also here. Skill Rating: 3/5
The Admin confirms that the Legendary Pokemon is at the end of the hall, and is chastised by the Grunt for telling us that. Then the Admin laments that his nice white suit was ruined whilst searching for the aforementioned Pokemon, and the Grunt confirms that, yes, the Legendary Pokemon is here. Very strange pair. Coolness Rating: 1/5
Secret HQ: Team Flare Admin 2 and Team Flare Grunt 2
The Admin has a level 50 Manetric and the Grunt has a level 48 Mightyena. Another fairly unremarkable roadblock at this point. Skill Rating: 3/5
The Admin here asserts that Team Flare will be moving on to the next level, rather than us (which may be metaphorical), then on defeat both of them find themselves trying to justify the monstrous behavior of their billionaire cult leader boss. They both say he will take care of things; the Admin says she "can't keep listening to selfish fools" who only oppose their brilliant scheme because they don't want Team Flare to be happy, while the Grunt worries that his five million Pokebucks might go to waste. Coolness Rating: 1/5
Secret HQ: Team Flare Admin 3 and Team Flare Grunt 3
The Admin has a level 50 Houndoom and the Grunt has a level 48 Scrafty. I like this team. It's got potential here; these Pokemon aren't easy to overpower, the type coverage is pretty decent (given the limitations of Team Flare's team building); a clear step up from what we've seen so far. Skill Rating: 4/5
The Admin here is in full cult leader adoration mode. He recognizes that the plans are at a critical point, and then, on defeat and after defeat, says, "Lysandre is like the sun to us! He represents our hope! We worried about an uncertain future, but Lysandre showed us how to get to his certain future." Jesus. The Grunt, meanwhile, is just cheerleading. I think this is probably our cheerleading friend, who has been with us for so long. She still has no idea what's going on. Coolness Rating: 1/5
Secret HQ: Team Flare Admin 4
And now we fight a gauntlet of solo Admins, because Shauna ran off and Calem went to go make sure she's safe. The Admins give her credit here for splitting them up, which . . . honestly, I think I buy it. She shouts "Nooo, I hate being chased!" which sure does sound like bait. Anyway! This one has a level 50 Swalot. She is first in the list but you can fight them in any order and they politely wait for you to heal between fights, so no credit for any potential poisons here. Skill Rating: 2/5
This Admin recognizes that killing the Legendary Pokemon is an "unfortunate necessity", and then justifies all of this with "There’s no way everybody can be happy! Each of us has different dreams." This sort of sentiment has been expressed a few times by Team Flare types before--the idea that since not everyone can be happy, they might as well just murder everyone. Coolness Rating: 1/5
Secret HQ: Team Flare Admin 5
This Admin has a level 47 Liepard and a level 48 Manectric. I think I switched in some of my lower-leveled Pokemon just to help get them some XP on this one because as we are pushing level 50 there's no way this team poses a meaningful threat. Skill Rating: 2/5
Admin 5 chastises us for not "understand[ing] Lysandre and all that he suffers for!" and asks us in what I can only assume is a very smug voice "Do you actually think all living things can be truly happy?" Coolness Rating: 1/5
Secret HQ: Team Flare Admin 6
This Admin has a level 50 Golbat. You gotta evolve that Golbat, homie. It will make your life so much easier. Skill Rating: 2/5
This Admin seems to think we're trying to join Team Flare, which does make me wonder how he got promoted to Admin in the first place. After we beat him he tells us that "Lysandre is only going to save Team Flare, because we’re the only ones who are truly worried about the future." This is some fascinatingly baffling reasoning. Coolness Rating: 1/5
Secret HQ: Team Flare Admin 7
And to top off the Admin gauntlet, we have a Mightyena at level 47 and a Houndoom at 48. Solid but a little uninspired-- Mightyena is starting to drop off a bit, I think, but Houndoom remains perfectly usable. Skill Rating: 3/5
I'm just going to paste this guy's lines here: "Taking all of the money and stuff for ourselves will make a world where Team Flare is happy! / Are you trying to stop Team Flare from obtaining happiness? What a vile person you are! / Not having a ton of money is really stressful, you know..." I remain unsympathetic. Coolness Rating: 1/5
Secret HQ: Team Flare Boss Lysandre
After the admin gauntlet we get to battle and befriend the Legendary (Xerneas, for me), and then we descend to the final chamber, and here he is, the big boss! It's the same team as before, but leveled up--Mienshao and Honchkrow at 49, Pyroar at 51, and Gyarados at 53. Also Gyarados now has a Mega Evolution. While the Mega means that three of his Pokemon are now weak to Fairy type, it also makes Gyarados hit unbelievably hard and gives it some very good defensive stats--if you don't have a good answer to a Dark/Water type you're in for a rough fight. And the rest of the team are no slouches, either. Skill Rating: 5/5
This is, of course, the villain in his "my plans are falling apart" breakdown state. At first he remains fairly calm and in control; he chastises the Legendary Pokemon for needing help from a human; then when he loses he laments that the world will destroy itself. And then he finally freaks out decides to activate the ultimate weapon and, in Pokemon X, give all of us eternal life, as a curse. In Pokemon Y he vaguely implies he's just going to kill us or something--alarming but not, like . . . I don't know. "I'm going to give you eternal life as a punishment for ruining my plans" is kind of fascinating in its darkness.
Anyway. Lysandre sucks, obviously. He's not the first time Pokemon made a villain of someone who really thought they were doing the right thing, though he is I think the most villainous of that genre. Your Team Aqua/Team Magma types didn't realize how bad their plans would be, and Team Plasma just thought they were helping Pokemon; Lysandre is knowingly doing monstrosities in order to bring about his beautiful world.
Lysandre is a tech billionaire who has built a cult of loyal followers into his chosen elite, and that is an unfortunately highly recognizable archetype. But as a villain, at least, he's compelling. Coolness Rating: 1/5
For most of this project I have been a little unsure if writing up the Team Flare sections was worth my time; it still feels like it doesn't quite belong in this project but it was interesting how all of the NPCs we run into here are reacting to the fact that the big moment has arrived. Some seem nervous, some are clearly trying to convince themselves that it's good actually; some are turning to Lysandre as an almost religious figure, while some are trying to find a way that what they're doing is ethical.
Obviously this is Pokemon, and these NPCs are three lines of text each; the goal of the writing team is still "cartoon villain first, person second", but a thing that I strive to keep in mind in times like these where there is no short supply of villains is this: everyone's the hero in their own story. And there is something weirdly, darkly human about how these villains in this silly video game about collecting cool little guys react when confronted with evidence that they might, in fact, be the baddies.
In any case, that concludes the main story of Pokemon X. Just a few more gyms left--no more villains, just finishing up our tour of Kalos with our trusty Pokemon pals. It will be a return to our normal frivolity. And after that we have the post-game story, a weird little noir story which I've always had a fondness for. But that's in the future; for now, thank you for reading, and I will see you soon, friends.
You would think this is to make the team weak to the game's legendary, but Yveltal is Dark/Flying and doesn't really have any strong advantages against anyone but Mienshao here. I always thought that was interesting.↩