the very best, pt. vii
Monday is upon us once again, which means it's time for me to take a break from playing Monster Hunter Wilds, a game about the ways humans can live in harmony with an exotic array of strange and wonderful monsters that occupy the wilderness, and play Pokemon X, a game about--eh, you get it. It's The Very Best, critically acclaimed series ranking how cool all of Pokemon X's trainers are, and how talented they are, and I'm back!
I'm very pleased to report that I found a page with the raw text of all of the Trainers' lines of dialog. This isn't enough to get us there on its own, of course, but good Lord does it make things easier--no more reloading a save if I missed a line. I finally had the bright idea to just Google a single line of dialog instead of trying to find the file's description (which I had done before, and gotten this also-useful-but-less-so-for-my-particular-purposes text file in the same folder, and I just knew that folder would have what I needed if only I didn't get a 403 error when I tried to explore it), and what came up but this page and literally nothing else!
I'm rambling. There's Trainers to discuss. Let's begin.
Into the Mountains
We are leaving Cyllage City behind, moving along the mysterious Route 10 and all of its mysterious stones, and into Geosenge Town!1 We'll be coming back here later, but for now it's just a whole lot of standing stones and psychics, and a few Team Flare grunts. Then we take Route 11 towards the Reflecting Cave, beyond which lies Shalour City and our next gym battle.
Route 10: Psychic Robert
So, fun fact about Solosis: I did not now that it has an extremely good Special Attack because the rest of its stats are so bad (and in Robert's case its moveset is also pretty bad) that I don't think I've ever noticed it landing a hit. 105 for a first stage Evolution is actually pretty good, though! That's better than a lot of fully evolved Pokemon get! Unfortunately for Robert this will not save him. Skill Rating: 2/5
Robert talks about stones and power and blah blah, whatever, psychics doing psychic things, but he also references the ancient "over 9000" meme when you defeat him. Which I guess wasn't ancient at the time? Still, I ain't here to judge, I'm just judging while I'm here. Coolness Rating: 3/5
Route 10: Tourist Fumiko
It's interesting how much context matters. While Sky Trainer Aveza's Skiploom was the sort of thing that gave her team a potentially significant edge in a Sky Battle, in a normal battle, leading with a Skiploom don't, as Shania would have it, impress me much. The rest of Fumiko's team is rounded out with an Azumarill and a Dunsparce, and when Azumarill is the most exciting thing you have going for you, your team is in a bit of trouble Skill Rating: 2/5
Fumiko seems to be trying to convince herself that the mysterious stones on Route 10 are just stones. That's all she talks about: "They're just stones, right?" It's a little offputting. Fumiko feels like the person in the start of a monster movie that's acting weird because of being possessed by monsters to introduce us, the audience, to the idea that something is wrong. Coolness Rating: 2/5
Route 10: Psychic Sayid
With a Meditite and a Kirlia, Sayid's team is a little lackluster, but I'm feeling generous enough to give him credit for Meditite here. Like, yeah, those stats are pretty subpar, but at least it covers the Psychic's traditional Dark weakness, and with Pure Power it at least hits decently hard. This is one of those "once this team evolves, it will rule" teams, but for now, Sayid's team leaves a fair bit to be desired. Skill Rating: 2/5
Sayid seems to attribute his loss to being unable to control his overflowing psychic power, but I think it's more accurate to say that he lost because he couldn't keep up with a single Honedge. Own up to your failings, Sayid. Coolness Rating: 2/5
Route 10: Tourist Tomoko
Tomoko's Drifloon, Hippopotas, and Pachirisu make for a fairly solid team. Pachirisu in particular has better stats than I would have guessed. We're not doing anything exciting here, but especially for a Tourist this team is pretty respectable. Skill Rating: 3/5
Tomoko is just here to see the sights, check out the pretty stones, and make fun memories. And then after we win she tells us about the stones, and makes sure to attribute what she's saying to her guidebook, which I appreciate--it shows humility and rigor, and it gives us the opportunity to learn more if we are so interested. We like Tomoko here. Coolness Rating: 4/5
Route 10: Team Flare Grunt 1
Team Flare is back! This one has a Houndour and a Golbat, matching the first guy from last time (and he recognizes us). This team is markedly better than last time, mostly because Golbat is much better than Zubat. It can confuse and poison us, and given that they seem to be battling us in order to stall for time while they do whatever horrible crimes they're doing, that seems pretty effective. Skill Rating: 4/5
We are, in fact, some kind of Trainer prodigy. Not much to say about this guy, except that they are giving us lots of hints that our pal Lysandre is in charge of Team Flare--if the aesthetics weren't enough, this guy keeps talking about how whoever invented the Holo Caster (i.e., Lysandre) must be very stylish indeed. Coolness Rating: 1/5
Route 10: Team Flare Grunt 2
This one seems to be new to us. She comes at us with an Electrike and a Croagunk, and, y'know, that's a perfectly fine team. I tend to regard the Croagunk line as one of the weakest Pokemon in the Team Flare roster, on account of the 4x weakness to Psychic, but on the other hand I think of Electrike as one of the stronger options, so it balances out. Skill Rating: 3/5
This Team Flare Grunt seems to be here for a paycheck, and she's more than happy to quit when it seems like her boss has given her a meaningless make-work task. I respect that. Coolness Rating: 4/5
Route 10: Team Flare Grunt 3
Another new one, I think; this Grunt has a Gulpin. It's higher level than the others, but, eh. She could pick a much better ace. Skill Rating: 2/5
Grunt #3 greets us with "You inspect the stones... I inspect YOU!" and I find that energy unsettling. She seems fairly chill apart from that, apart from the "you wouldn't look good in this suit" barb at the end, which . . . you know, that may be true, but that is definitely the fault of the suit. Coolness Rating: 2/5
Geosenge Town: Leader Korrina
We first met Korrina back on Route 5, where her Lucario said it liked us; now she runs into us just before we leave town and invites us to battle against her two Lucario.2 Since we will be seeing her again later, no skill or coolness rating here, but it is notable just how much we get to see Korrina outside of her Gym. And also that as far as I can tell both her Lucario have the same moveset, and neither of them seem to have an answer for Ghost types. That seems like an oversight, but maybe that's just because I have two ghosts on my team. I am willing to give her some credit here because this isn't her full team, this is a "hey, my two Lucario saw you across the bar and liked your vibe" situation.
Anyway, since Korrina is mostly just talking about her Lucario here, we don't really get to know her very well, so no commentary on that front here. We'll see her again soon!
Route 11: Psychic Emmanuel
Solosis may as well not exist for all the fight it puts up, as previously discussed, but Sigilyph, now, Sigilyph is a solid Pokemon. With respectable stats across the board and no glaring weaknesses, Sigilyph can cause problems for even a decently well prepared team. Skill Rating: 4/5
Maybe it's because I'm not a psychic, but sometimes I suspect when the Psychics are talking at me that they are just blowing hot air. You know? Like, sure, man, use your body, spirit, and emotions to fuel your power if that's what makes you happy. That's fine. I'm not going anywhere. Coolness Rating: 2/5
Route 11: Battle Girl Gerardine
With a level 28 Mienfoo, Gerardine has the strongest Pokemon we have seen yet. It would be a pretty scary opponent, except that it doesn't have any moves that can hit Ghost types. It's an unfortunate oversight, but then again, not everyone makes it a rule to always have a ghost in their party. Apart from that weakness, I think Gerardine probably wins against most of her peers in this area. Skill Rating: 4/5
Gerardine likes belts. This is the source of her power, I guess? She tells us about some of the belts that can be used as held items, so that's nice for her. Everyone needs a hobby. Coolness Rating: 3/5
Route 11: Brains & Brawn Frank & Sly
Frank and Sly come at us with a Mr. Mime and a Machoke. Unfortunately, the Machoke has the apparently quite common problem of having no counter for Ghost types, but the Mr. Mime is a pretty solid addition--if I didn't focus it down it would have been a problem for my team. Skill Rating: 4/5
These two are intense, and in a way that I think may not be very healthy. There's nothing wrong with being dedicated to your . . . hobbies? Is Pokemon battling a hobby in this world? . . . but you need to come at this realistically. Sometimes you will lose, especially if one of your Pokemon literally has no answer to a specific Pokemon type. That's fine! Learning to lose gracefully is an important skill. Coolness Rating: 2/5
Route 11: Sky Trainer Yvette
Yvette has an Emolga, a Wingull, and a Staravia. This team almost certainly outnumbers the Sky Battle-worthy team of any random Trainer that passes by, so she has a numbers advantage, and leading with Emolga, she stands a pretty good chance of getting an early lead that you can't claw your way back from. Wingull is far from amazing, but with the lead her Emolga probably bought her all it needs to do is slow you down so Staravia can finish the fight. Skill Rating: 5/5
So, I discovered, in the text file of every Trainer line I mentioned earlier, that Sky Trainers actually do have a line when you talk to them after battling them! I'll try to look over previous Sky Trainers and revise their ratings if this changes my overall perspective on any of them at some point. All of which to say: Yvette is another Sky Trainer who is very focused on her suit's powers to make her stronger. And her solution to the apparent fact that her special aerodynamic suit also seems to have reduced its damage resistance is to make the suit tighter? I think she may be mocking us, grounded as we are, but either way, what are you on about, Yvette. Coolness Rating: 2/5
Can I just say, I love how Pokemon as a franchise is willing to just say "Mysterious stones have a connection with Mega Evolution" and just not try to explain it? Like, there's always a temptation to make things "make sense" and "have an origin" but Pokemon is just like "nah, they're mysterious. Also there are psychics." It rules.↩
The official style guide for Pokemon seems to be that the official name for a Pokemon is both singular and plural, I guess because that's how it is in Japanese, even though most of the names get localized. This is a strange convention and I constantly waffle on which one feels right in a given situation.↩